7 Things to Implement so You Never Fight About Money Again
Are both parties in a good headspace? Check in before you even start the conversation. This can be done verbally, or, if you are like Brock and I, we can tell when the time is right for us to have a discussion. If we can sense that one of us is on edge, we respect that emotion and know that this topic needs to be discussed at a different time. We are not the type to sweep it under the rug, and you should both honor your relationship enough not to do that either. We have found that the best approach is to set the intention of when we are going to attempt this conversation.
Set a scheduled time to discuss. Be intentional about not springing things on your partner. When there is something that needs to be discussed, acknowledge the topic and then set a time to talk about it. This is important for a few reasons. It allows both parties to collect their thoughts and really consider the topic at hand. Emotions tend to be secondary to logic if things are scheduled and not sprung on the other person. Also, this lessens the likelihood of one of the parties feeling “attacked.”
Lead with logic. When it comes to finances, you have to come with the facts. Meaning, couples should lead with the numbers, because the numbers don’t lie. That being said, usually one party has some emotion when it comes to money, and that can’t be avoided, but when you lead with logic and figures, there is less gray area.
Make sure that each party feels heard. Each party should be heard. Even after working with couples in the past on their financial futures and planning, there is typically always one person in the couple that has a better handle on the money. But that does not mean that the other partner does not have an opinion. Where this comes into play is that each partner should have a goal when it comes to the topic being discussed. Let’s use for example the idea of minimum savings. You both need to share your logic, but at the end of the day come to an agreement. It is important that both parties feel heard and respected and their reasoning is considered.
Use “I” not “You.” Always use “I.” Things tend to get heated it is often because of the communication style. It is important that you use “I” instead of “you.” The premise of this may seem basic, but for some it may be difficult. Nevertheless, it is key. When using “I,” you are taking responsibility, often times taking people off of the defense and keeping them there for a more productive conversation.
Set an agenda. This can feel a little transactional but it allows for both parties to know what they are in for as far as the topics that need to be discussed. This also is a great way to limit the time spent hammering out these sorts of issues. They are likely some of the most important things you will discuss, but you don’t want to feel like either partner is beating a dead horse, and it allows you to set time frames. It can also serve as a great reward once you have addressed the topics that you needed to discuss and hopefully have come to a resolution.
Reward yourselves. Money topics are tough, so recognize that every conversation is not going to be easy. That is why setting a reward of sorts after your agenda is wrapped up is important. We have date night and commit to one another that all money conversations are left when our conversation and agenda wrap! Date night works for us, but for you it may be taking a hike together or just being intentional about doing something that you both really love!